This is killing me
3am and still awake.
Tomorrow, I intend to flee
Things to do. I can't be a flake.
Procrastinated during the break.
Melatonin might help me
Taking it won't kill me.
Eights hours I'll be down.
But wait, 3-11?
I planned a long day, and so I frown.
Whatever. I wanna sleep now.
Adventures of a 4th Year: Episode 3 by Tiffany Chan
6 months ago
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Wedding Bells or Warning Bells...
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Mon 11:32pm
Throughout the ages, there's been one question that has consistently stumped even the wisest of prophets and gurus:
"How do you know when it's love... and how do you know when you should dump the chump?"
I say: Don't waste precious time-ticking-time with the wrong partner!
Here's a list of relationship-clarifying questions to better serve daters who are newly head-over-heels... so you can suss out sooner versus later if you've found the love of your life—or if you should run for your life!
1. Good looks fade. But a bad personality is forever. If you took away the physical attraction and hot sex, would you still want to be friends with this person?
2. Does your new partner tell you outright that he or she is not ready to be in a serious relationship? If so, listen up! What you hear is what you get!
3. You need at least one VERY to fall in love. For example, it helps if your honey is VERY smart, or VERY good-looking, VERY caring or VERY funny, etc. Basically, you need to see at least one magical, heart-fluttering quality about this person that makes him or her stand out for true love to spring forth. Does your partner have at least one VERY special thing which makes you all a-flutter?
4. Although finding one VERY in your partner is VERY GOOD, finding two VERY aspects can be VERY BAD. For example, if your partner is VERY, VERY GOOD-LOOKING... or VERY, VERY RICH or VERY, VERY FUNNY, this person might be trouble—might have a super-huge ego or be super-annoying due to an extra dosage of that quality. Does your partner have any doubly VERY aspects that you see as being potential relationship-zappers?
5. It's good for your new partner to have a lot of get up and go—but not directly after sex. After NC-17 encounters, does your partner disappear ASAP? If so, your sweetie might have anxiety around intimacy—so be forewarned!
6. It's a positive if your "newbie partner" wants to talk after sex—but not if he or she winds up talking about an ex. In fact, too much talk about an ex in general is a negative sign that your partner still has his or her feet stuck in the sticky-icky past, and might thereby have a hard time moving forward!
7. Lust and love are as different as night and day. If your partner only wants to see you in the wee hours of night, it's lust. If this person wants to spend the more precious daylight hours on weekends with you, you're heading towards the real-deal love, baby!
8. If your new partner complains about how all exes have been CRAZY, you should wonder what your honey did to make them crazy—or if your amour is a Drama Queen or Drama King.
9. Does your newbie partner comment on your tales of woe (and the world's awful news stories) with a sense of empathy and awareness—or is he or she missing, as Jennifer Aniston so pithily called it, "the sensitivity chip"?
10. Does being with your sweetie bring out your favorite self, or your most bummed-out self, or most insecure/neurotic/truly CRAZY-in-love self? Because before you get on the road to wedding-ville, you want to make sure the person you're hooking up with gives you that extra lift... that's the way you want to be heading into your forever future!
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Updated on Monday
Crossing the 'friend zone'
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Monday, October 6, 2008 at 11:25pm
You've had feelings for your friend for a while and you're worried about crossing the line and ruining the friendship. That's not really true, of course, but that's what you keep telling yourself so you can justify not putting yourself on the line and risking rejection.
Sure -- it's possible to love a friend of the opposite sex without picturing him or her in bed. Having feelings for your friend doesn't necessarily prove Harry's theory in "When Harry Met Sally" who famously declared that "No man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her."
There are exceptions to Harry's rule, but one thing is certain -- being seen as just a friend by all the people you want to date can be frustrating. So here are a few ways to prevent being stuck in (cue scary music): 'The Friend Zone':
1. Do Flirt
It's okay if romance is on your brain when you greet your friend. In fact, it can fuel the chemistry. It's good for your friend to catch you subtly checking him or her out. As long as you're not drooling or gawking, it can be sexy. You want your friend to think he or she imagined the look. Light touching and sincere and specific compliments are great for flirting, too.
2. Don't Be the Problem Solver
Are you on speed dial every time your friend needs something fixed or wants to process a bad relationship? It's nice to help your friend occasionally, but make sure you're not the one he or she associates with problems.
If you do come over to help, mention that you're happy to assist for an hour but have plans after that. Better to remain a little mysterious and have your friend wondering who else is getting your attention.
3. Have Fun
Create unique memories. You're aware of your friend's passions, so initiate fun and interesting activities that you know your friend will enjoy but isn't doing with others.
And -- if someone has dumped you, confide in a friend you don't have feelings for! Remember to keep an upbeat attitude and stay confident -- those are two of the most attractive qualities cited by singles when looking for a mate.
Of course, not every friendship ends with a romantic happy ending and you may have to be prepared that your crush just wants to stay your friend. You'll have to decide if that's enough for you.
In the meantime, if you feel like you often end up in the friend zone with people you want to date, plant some of these seeds and see if anything grows in your relationship. Sometimes a glass of wine or a flirtatious exchange can change the dynamic... and you look at each other and wonder why it took so long.
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How to Handle Rejection 101
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Sunday, October 5, 2008 at 10:40pm
So there you are at the deli getting a ham sandwich, when that person you're attracted to comes and stands next to you at the counter. You've seen them over and over again, and you finally have the guts to turn and smile at them... and they do nothing in return. They almost look right through you like you don't exist.
So you grab your ham sandwich and run out of there as quickly as you can, saying to yourself, "I will never do that again. This doesn't work." Is this the best way to deal with rejection? How do you personally deal with rejection? More importantly, are you someone who believes that if you become "good" at dating you will no longer get rejected?
The dating truth is that being able to deal with rejection is the key to being successful at going out and meeting singles. It's also not the ultra-significant event so many make it out to be. So here are five essential tips on how to handle rejection, which you need to embrace if you are going to have a full and successful dating life:
1. Change Your Dating Expectations. One of the first and most important things to understand is that no matter what you do, not everybody is going to respond positively to you. Not everyone you smile at will smile back at you. Not everyone you say hello to is going to say hello back to you.
Stop expecting a positive response 100% of the time.
Stop expecting a positive response 100% of the time. Just because somebody did not smile back at you does not mean that you're not an attractive person or that you made a mistake by smiling. The only thing it means is that it did not work with that one person.
2. Life Is All About Rejection. Everything in life has rejection involved in it. If you're a
salesperson who makes 10 sales calls, you may only get one or two people to say yes. A baseball player whose batting average is around 300 will likely end up in the Hall of Fame. A quarterback who can complete 55 percent of his passes is doing pretty well. Everything in life is about percentages. You don't quit simply because you experienced some rejection. Imagine if you stopped looking for work when your very first interview didn't result in a job offer. That would, of course, be ridiculous. Remember that you also need to keep going in your dating life when you're rejected, because you want to keep increasing your odds of success.
3. Focus on Increasing Your Dating Odds. When you feel like you are getting more than your fair share of rejections, instead of focusing on those rejections, focus on increasing your odds of success. The fact is that by playing the percentages as I mentioned above, you will be successful.
The reason is that every time you take action -- every time you smile, say hello, or walk over and initiate a conversation -- you get better at it.
The reason is that every time you take action -- every time you smile, say hello, or walk over and initiate a conversation -- you get better at it. If you're going to go out there and only talk to one person a day, then your chances of success are not going to be great. Increase your odds every single day and in everything you're doing.
4. Keep Things in Perspective. I hear some version of this from clients all the time: "What if I approach somebody, get rejected, and someone sees me? I'll never be able to go in that store again!" Get a little perspective here. Let me tell you something -- you're not front page news! When you're rejected, you need to just get over it. No one is talking about you. People are concerned about themselves and what is going on in their own lives, just as you are focused on what's going on in yours. So the fact that you get rejected in front of other people at the market, at the gym, or anywhere else is not a big deal to anyone but you.
5. Don't Overreact When Dating. The other thing I commonly hear from clients who have been rejected is some version of this: "I'm never going to talk to that person ever again now that I was rejected by them." This is not only a total overreaction, it is also absolutely the wrong thing to do. So you tried to talk to (or smile or look at) someone, and they didn't respond. As I mentioned above, there are a million possible reasons why that person did not respond to you. It doesn't necessarily mean that person wouldn't want to talk to you another time. If I smile at a woman and she doesn't respond, I don't play hide-and-go-seek the next time I see her. I am equally friendly to her the next time I see her, because you never know what will happen that second time. It's a different day. Put the last time behind you.
These are some ways to help you get over rejection. Realize that in order to get good at interacting with potential mates, you are going to get rejected. In fact, you want to get rejected every single day, because if you're not, it means you're not trying.
So ask yourself this: Did you get rejected today, and how can you go out tomorrow and make it an even better day than today? Learn to not only handle but to embrace rejection, and you will meet great new people and have an amazing social life.
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