...

I can't fall for this nicely-disguised trap again.
Too much at stake.

I'm almost there.. I'm on my way to my dream.
I'll promise myself to take good care of this last phase first.
Slipping is not an option.
Just this one. Do good on it. Take it right the first time.
Then this will pretty much set where I'd end up.
Everything else is a smooth ride. My remaining year in undergrad.
My year where I etch my name in this place.

And you?

Yes I do miss you
And oh I've always enjoyed your company
You were so much more
Something I'd never had that great before
Something that I just can't let go
It can't be just one-sided...you'd be lying to yourself.

BUT

I can't settle for just this
Understand for now you can't give more than this
Nothing has confused me this much before
Maybe you haven't realized things yet
Maybe you have to figure it out for yourself

So you said goodbye for now.
And I let you said goodbye for now.

And there was hell...


...And then a chance to get back up...

... with an unlikely decision to wait.

AND SO

For now I have to not know you.
For now I can't let you derail me again.
For now I have to forget you.
I can't let temporary bliss create a permanent loss.

I can't goof around when my bright future is at stake.

It's the most painful decision I had to make.
It's the only way I could better myself.
The only way I can set things straight.
The only way I can let you see me.

The only way we both will be ready.

And when it's all okay
I'll probably pop up again.
I'll invite you back to my innermost circle again.
And I'll be more than ready to let you around me.

See where it takes me again.
Quite plausibly another hell? Fine. I'll be far away soon anyway.
Quite possibly you fulfilling your promise? Great. You're worth the wait.

And here we go...